homepage
12 Tips for a Relaxing Christmas is designed to look after your mental health and focus on what is important to you.
Christmas is the festive time of year for peace, joy, and love. But it is also a time when some struggle with their mental health: Relationship issues, loneliness, financial difficulties, social anxiety, the loss of loved ones, domestic abuse, work, and time demands; The list goes on….
Could this be you?
Whilst us humans are trying to cope with the added pressures of Christmas, the head elf at the north pole (let’s say their name is Winky) has got their work cut out. With all the responsibility of ensuring toy production runs smoothly, as well as the added pressure of not wanting to let Santa down, Winky is feeling the weight firmly placed on his shoulders!
By Christmas Eve he is run down, and his batteries are low, as he spends the whole of Christmas day tired and grumpy, and his body starts telling him to slow down.
Could this be you?
Rudolph is also checking absolutely everything to ensure a safe trip around the globe. He has the sleigh being inspected in the garage. He is worried the runners will not make a smooth enough landing! All the reindeers are stretching and keeping nimble, but he worries comet might get cramps. He notes the best routes through each continent on the navigation system, with plan B and C at the ready just in case of poor weather conditions. To be even more cautious, he even has an extra bottle of Christmas spirit saved from last year as he worries it might run out.
Rudolph is hyper alert and can’t seem to find peace in his own mind, always thinking about what might go wrong.
Could this be you?
Over at Christmas village Mrs Claus is feeling particularly down in the dumps. Being a sensitive soul, she cares deeply about others and wants the world to be a happy place. Since her and Santa got the new flat screen TV, she has been watching the news from around the world which has had such a negative impact on her. She is feeling everyone’s pain and can’t seem to find resolve.
Although she lives within the jolliest place in the world, loneliness has set in and she questions her own sadness.
Could this be you?
These are just some of the scenarios that can affect us at any time of the year, however quite often we place extra pressure on ourselves for Christmas to be ‘perfect’. It is very common to polish and perfect Christmas by fine tuning everything, making it just right. But what is perfect?
Our brains are designed to keep us alive and not necessarily make us happy. During solution focused hypnotherapy sessions this a something we learn about and come back to time and time again. But by making just a few simple changes to our thinking and behaviours, it is easy to reengage the feel-good factor and bring back Christmas spirit.
As a gift for you, here are 12 tips for a relaxing Christmas to ensure you enjoy connection stay and ‘present’ this Christmas.
12 tips for a relaxing Christmas
Write down what’s been good – This is a daily practice I recommend for every single day of the year. Whether you’re waking up to sparkling frost in Lincolnshire or rising to a new sunny day in the Bahamas write what’s been good. By making a list of ‘what’s been good’? you start to change how your brain is operating. What’s happening is that by looking for the good things rather than going over all the bad things, you begin to form new neural pathways which are more positive and rewarding. As the saying goes ‘it’s not joy that makes us grateful, but gratitude that makes us joyful’.
Bedtime affirmations – Affirmations are great at bedtime, not only for a good night’s sleep but also to give our brains something to work from. So as soon as you wake up in the morning you have direction. You could imagine that your thinking brain is a sat nav, navigating through life. Sat navs have no purpose without a postcode so or somewhere to aim for. Therefore, to ensure our brains are guiding us in the right direction it is useful to give it a destination. You could try saying; “Tomorrow I want to have an easy productive day’’, ‘’Tomorrow I will be kind to others and to myself’’. If you are not sure how to create an affirmation, then you can that is where the fun starts. You can say it quietly in your mind, you could say it out loud, or shout it! Or you could write it down with your what’s been goods. The importance is that you create your own intention, think about what you truly want that is within your control and make it happen, and remember to have fun with it too.
Quality sleep – We all know the benefits of a good night’s sleep out way staying up and watching a Netflix series until the early hours. Sleep cleanses your body and your mind so you can wake up feeling rejuvenated and motivated ready to start a brand-new day. However, if you are struggling to get a good quality night’s sleep, I have an amazing tool for you. My guided relaxation is available on you here https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/download-guided-relaxation/ All you need to do is get comfy, settle down in bed (after your affirmations) and close your eyes. A client of mine once described my guided relaxation as taking their mind to the spa. If you are more interested on how to improve your sleep you can also read my blog https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/help-to-improve-sleep/
Make yourself a priority – With all the Christmas shopping, parties, food planning etc it’s very easy to run out of steam. Just like an electronic device we need to recharge. Practicing self-care by making yourself a priority is key to ensuring the capacity to cope with whatever life throws at us. Self-care does not need to be long soaks in the bath or a massage, it simply needs to be something just for you with no pressure other than just being you. Why not make prioritising you a new Christmas tradition? There are many ways we can do this with a festive twist; wreath making, building a gingerbread house, baking, going for a walk, cheesy Christmas films. Do something for you.
sELF Compassion – This does not always come easily to everyone, and it is something I help many of my clients with. Internal self-talk is really important because the language we use is impactful on the way we feel about ourselves and the world around us. One of the most insightful pieces of information I leant during my training as a hypnotherapist was that our thoughts are not real. Thoughts are just thoughts. To add to this I learnt I had control over them too. How amazing is that? I can create negative thoughts so I knew I could also create positive ones. This helps especially when thinking about myself. A great way to begin self-compassion is to understand your thoughts.
Reframe it – Start by recognising yourself talk, just noticing what’s happening and when is a good way of kicking things off. This is because once we understand and recognise what’s happening then we can do something about it. A negative thought can be changed into a positive one easily; This is too hard – I am learning, It needs to be perfect – Good can be good enough, I made a mistake – I’ll learn firm this and do things differently next time. Reframing our thoughts is a wonderfully way of empowering ourselves and gaining confidence.
Simply breathe – I know this might sound completely silly but remembering to breath is super important. Controlled breathing keeps us relaxed. This is because breathing uses two different systems, unconscious and conscious. Unconscious breathing happens when the subconscious brain takes control and enables us to breath without any focused effort. This is good news as this gives us the opportunity to carry out tasks without having to keep checking if we are breathing. However, when we are in a state of stress because of a perceived threat, our unconscious breathing changes. It becomes quicker and shallower. Knowing this gives us the ability to take control of the physical changes. In doing so this dials down the survival response when and if we need too. Start by breathing on for four seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds and breathing out for 8 seconds. Conscious breathing is a great tool to slow down our breath and remind the primitive brain that everything is ok and that we are safe.
Try new things –When you give your brain something different to focus on it hasn’t got time to create negative thoughts. The brain loves novelty so instead of doing the same thing you have done every Christmas why not change things slightly. You could make it a new tradition to do something differently every year.
Boundaries & connection – Healthy boundaries with others are important for strong relationships. When all parties know what is ok and what isn’t ok that’s when connections grow, and trust is formed. Saying ‘NO’ can sometimes feel scary. This is especially true if it is perceived we might let someone down. However, it is always a positive thing to protect our own feelings, so we have capacity to be ourselves. At Christmas give yourself permission to chose to spend time with good people and happy conversations.
Break it down – With many lists and tasks that present themselves during the run up to Christmas it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Tasks are easily completed when broken down into manageable steps. By focusing on the immediate smallest step, you can get things done more efficiently.
Focus on what is important – You could be feeling overwhelmed or you’re not sure which task to compete first. Focus on what is important to you and what makes you feel good. By dropping the high stress rituals and traditions by trading them in for feel good activities. Make what your thought needed to be perfect just good enough.
Be here now – Hit the pause button and be PRESENT it literally is the best gift of all!!
Warm Christmas wishes from Emma
Contact Emma for help and support if you are struggling with any of the issues above https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Watch me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA
Follow me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-rose-reset-hypnotherapy/ [...]
An easy guide to mindful walking has all your need to know to start your mindful walking practice.
Why is mindful walking so beneficial?
Mindful walking leaves you feeling grounded, more focused and in control of your thoughts and feelings and for the able bodied it could easily be apart of your your daily routine.
A mindful walk is an excellent way to clear your mind and restore your sense of focus. It is also a great excuse to get out into nature.
Furthermore, in as little as 20 minutes a day by using all your senses, sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch you can bring awareness to your body and surroundings.
Indeed several studies have shown that taking a break in nature can have a significant positive effect on the brain boosting your levels of the feel good neurotransmitter Serotonin.
Additionally, incorporating exercise not your daily routine with something as simple as walking, you also get a beautiful hit of Endorphins which is another other feel-good neurotransmitter. Also, just to top it off just 20 mins of gentle exercise also releases BDNF (Brain -derived Neurotropic factor) which is like miracle grow for your brain cells.
Who doesn’t want some of that?
Who could benefit from mindful walking?
If you are you feeling stuck, struggling with anxiety, racing thoughts or loosing focus and concentration and you have tried mediation but it’s not working for you right now, then mindful walking is an easy way of relaxing you mind. When the external environment is changes the brain can refocus to redirect difficult emotions from a different perspective.
When and where is best to mindful walk?
It is important to make your walking practice something you look forward to and not a chore. It can be a daily or weekly practice whatever feels right for you.
You can mindfully walk anywhere ensuring you are in a safe environment. It could be outside in nature, walking the dog, or while walking to work or school. It could even be an indoors while walking through the grocery store or through corridors in a building. You can do it mostly anywhere.
Mindful walking does can be as short or as long as you want it to be. It can be a practice for 3-5 minutes or as long as an hour depending on where you are and you schedule. You can make it work for you in your way.
How to mindful walk
Honestly there is no right or wrong way to take a mindful walk, the beauty is you can make it your own and you can’t really get it wrong. But if you enjoy a structured approach here is an easy step-by-step guide to mindful walking for you to follow and get started.
Firstly, notice your breathing. Take deep breathes in and deep breaths out to consciously slow your breath down. You may notice you slow down your pace too.
Notice how your body feels, there may be some niggles and heavy parts. Also notice which parts of your body feel comfortable and warm.
Pay attention to how your legs, feet and arms feel with each step you take.
If you are holding onto tension, give yourself permission to let go now. You may notice your shoulders drop and your face release, or even smile.
Check in with your emotions, how are you feeling today?
Recalibrate your emotions by choosing one word of how you want to feel after your walk. e.g. ‘energised’, ‘loved’, ‘safe’, ‘fearless’, ‘ready’….
Say your word in your mind a few times or say it out loud if your feel comfortable.
Now feel the contact of your feet as they simultaneously touch the ground, with the movement of your body as you move into your next step. Notice how your body moves and flows easily, recognising your body knows just what to do and just how to do it.
Now using your sense of sight, look around and notice the colours and every detail. What do you see? Turn up the colours just like turning the volume dial on an audio set.
What can you hear? The crunch of leaves? The sound of birds? People talking? Rustling wind? Distant music?
Using your sense of smell, notice any aromas or scents in the air. What do you smell?
Are you able to notice any tastes as you walk? Can you taste the air or rain?
Now using your sense of touch, notice the solidity of the earth beneath your feet. How do your clothes feel? Can you feel the warmth of the sun on your back? Find what feels good.
With openness and curiosity, notice any sensations, thoughts or feelings that arise. Witness how they naturally disperse and float away.
Lastly, stay alert to your senses throughout your walk
Top Tips
Remember to breathe!
Repeat again soon!
There is no bad weather when we choose the right jacket!
Contact Emma for help and support if you are struggling https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Watch me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA
Follow me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-rose-reset-hypnotherapy/ [...]
Quite often people ask me what to expect from solution focused hypnotherapy. They question ‘how does it work?’ or ‘how will I know if it has worked?’. For you to know what to expect from solution focused hypnotherapy here is an overview.
Focused Hypnotherapy is a mixed approach of positive psychotherapy coupled with hypnosis. This combination that is designed to redirect old negative thought patterns and encourage positive behaviour for mental wellbeing.
I trained as a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist, after discovering the benefits for myself. I experienced anxiety due to grief and a lifelong battle with OCD. The results of my sessions were so significant that I choose to train and help others in the same way. I had been so lucky to have experienced Solution Focused Hypnotherapy that I wanted others to do the same.
Solution Focused Hypnotherapy wasn’t a magic wand that would ‘fix me’, instead it gave me the tools and mental ability to cope with anything life throws at me which is a much better deal. Solution focused is exactly that; By focusing on solutions, my problems become tangible challenges that could be changed and ultimately solved rather than a problem I had no control over.
What to expect – Initial consultation
It all starts with an initial consultation which provides brain-based explanations for the mental and physical symptomologies of stress, depression, anxiety, and anger. Most importantly by understanding how the brain works in this way, it raises the opportunity to understand how the brain works at its best too! The initial consultation highlights small attainable changes towards a positive future which includes the consequences of quality sleep, positive action, positive interaction, positive thought, the importance of feel-good neurotransmitters and benefits of hypnosis.
What to expect – Talking therapy
Positive psychology ensures that the future is the focus, and therefore it is not necessary to talk through old traumas, worries and difficult issues. All sessions are designed to ensure, consistency, comfort, and relaxation. (Isn’t that a relief).
The most recent findings in neuroscience that underpins the therapy is revised throughout sessions offering explanations and inspiring change. This solifconfidence which reinforces the process.
What to expect – Hypnosis
I’m sure you will be very pleased to hear hypnosis is not swinging pocket watches, black and white swirly lines or participants clucking like chickens. The power of hypnosis goes back hundreds of years and has been used as an incredible tool to access the subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind is the source of all our behaviour which doesn’t require our conscious attention. Hypnosis or ‘trance’ is a state of mind that we all access throughout the day, whilst reading books, watching television and during exercise too, in fact we do it all the time. Ever wondered where the time went when you were completely engrossed in something? You were most likely in a state of trance.
In my relaxed clinical setting, I use psychotherapy to give your brain the opportunity to understand exactly what changes it might like to make. We can then use trance to give your brain a time to digest the information and put those changes into place.
I like to think of it as a jig saw puzzle. At the beginning of the session, we can concentrate on finding the missing pieces. Then you get to relax and put your feet up (quite literally), whilst your brain fits the pieces together to create the picture that you want.
What to expect – The benefits of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy
One of the great things about Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is that you give yourself permission to think about yourself from a different perspective. This pause in the day-to-day routine offers you time and space to acknowledge your strengths and achievements which is extremely empowering. Self-empowerment creates new ideas, clarity and personal wisdom which positively affects behaviour and change.
And if that wasn’t enough here are 15 other positive things that you can expect from Solution Focused Hypnotherapy.
When you are working with me you get a VIP tour around your brain, and you get to learn how you can use all its amazing features. Who doesn’t want a VIP tour?
You could get curious about what you can do differently to make positive changes in your life, a first-class ticket to discovering the real you.
Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is backed by the most recent findings in neuroscience. Science changes all the time. As a species we are progressing more now than we ever have done. That is why it is really important for me to continually develop my profession. By attending workshops, reading books, listening to podcasts, conversing with my peers, and working on my own personal wellbeing, I maintain a level of expertise that my clients expect and deserve. This includes developing my understanding of neuroscience.
It is relaxing and fun. You can even have sessions online in your PJs. Many of my clients access me securely online whilst they are at home with a cup of tea, snuggled up in PJs. I couldn’t think of a more comfortable and relaxed way to received therapy.
You can practice and perfect your preferred future with your feet up. By focusing on the positives and the future, together, you can find different ways to thrive, eliminating the negatives as a by-product.
You can gain clarity to find new solutions to old problems.
Your newfound positivity will rub off on the people around you, positivity is contagious!
You don’t need to be broken to be better, you can gain the tools and knowledge to really excel in your professional or personal life.
The side effects of solution focused hypnotherapy include confidence and a positive attitude to life.
You can let go of your past by focusing on your future.
Your sleep patterns and overall quality of sleep can improve. Sleep is our superpower; it underpins the foundation of healthy wellbeing.
You can become free of phobias as unwanted habits.
By creating a positive and solution focused mindset you will be able to cope with life’s ups and down.
Overcome or reduce the symptomologies of anxiety, depression, and anger, including Addiction, grief, PTSD, OCD, Genialized Anxiety disorder and many more.
Discover the real you, who you are and what you want to achieve in life.
Contact Emma for help and support if you are struggling https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Watch me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA
Follow me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-rose-reset-hypnotherapy/ [...]
Two thirds of adults in the UK suffer with poor disruptive sleep. ‘I need help to improve my sleep!’ is a common phrase in my clinic. My response is always; ‘Mother nature blessed human beings with this superpower every night, it is amazing’. Yes, I call it a superpower because sleep doesn’t get the reputation it deserves. Let us explore why and how you strengthen your relationship with sleep.
Why do we need sleep?
In our hierarchy of needs sleep is one of the foundations to all round wellness. It is worth noting that it doesn’t always come easily to us humans. For some who cant sleep it can be a real struggle to improve sleep and switch off When counting the proverbial sheep does not work frustration sets in adding fuel to the fire. To help those who are battling with sleep I am also sharing my top tips. If you want help to improve sleep quality and quantity these tips will help you to work towards that.
We all know that we function best after quality sleep. If we don’t consistently fulfil quality sleep with in a 24hour period, it affects many aspects of our life, from mood, concentration, motivation, energy, focus to our hunger and food choices. When we improve sleep it has a positive effect on our behaviours. It will also affect how we interact with others which influences how we feel emotionally and physically.
One night of improved sleep positively has a positive impact on the immune system, reproductive system, cardiovascular system and the ability to solidify and recall memory.
Sleep experiment
Neuroscientist, university professor and sleep specialist Matthew Walker, has previously described a sleep experiment. The experiment happens in over 70 countries twice a year and it’s called day light savings time.
When the clocks go forward in the springtime and we lose an hour sleep. When this happens we see a significant 24% increase in heart attacks. We also see huge 300% increase in car accidents. To contracts this, when we gain an hour sleep in the autumn, we see a similar reduction in heart attacks and car accidents.
Sleep really is our superpower; it underpins the foundation of healthy wellbeing.
What happens when we sleep?
Many of us assume that during sleep the brain and the body is temporarily switched off. It is now understood that this is not the case. During sleep the brain is working hard storing memories, growing new cells, maintains cells & disposing of waste cells.
During sleep a clean-up process takes place as the brain is busy processing all the information we have taken in throughout the day. It decides what to keep and what to throw away. It’s a bit like running the hoover around your brain, getting rid of the waste, fluffing the carpet pile, and leaving it looking so much better than before. The result being a clear, clutter free mind and a replenished body.
Whilst asleep, the brain is working in 90 min cycles of light sleep / deep sleep / REM (Rapid Eye Movement commonly known as the dream like state).
Who needs sleep?
All mammals need REM and non-REM to enable the brain to function effectively. As adults’ humans need around seven to nine hours sleep. For every two hours of consuming information, one hour of sleep is required for processing. Most adults needs 7-9 hours of sleep per night but this can be different for everyone. Your Circadian rhythm is the 24 hour cycle which determines your physical, mental, and behavioural changes. By listening to your body and mind, you can determine your sweet spot for length of sleep.
If you need help to improve sleep and it is becoming a problem, there are many steps that can be implemented. While there is no magic wand for getting to sleep and staying asleep, we CAN proactively increase our likelihood of a good quality night’s sleep.
Reset Hypnotherapy’s top tips – Help to improve sleep quality
I’m not a medical professional. I can’t offer you medical advice here, but I am a qualified and experienced solution focused hypnotherapist who successfully helps people with sleep problems. If you feel you do have a sleep problem, I will always suggest a visit to your GP or sleep doctor.
Consistency is king! to improve sleep go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time. Set yourself a going to bed alarm or prompt, a gentle chime perhaps. This is so important to regulate your sleep patterns. Even at the weekend!
Reduce Caffeine and other stimulants. These chemicals keep the brain alert. Drinking coffee and tea could be a morning to early afternoon routine rather than evening.
Cannabis and sedatives knock out the front cortex of the brain, (the conscious part), so whilst you may believe you have been asleep the brain patterns produced are very different. CBD Oil studies so far suggest this chemical does not impact on sleep; however, the evidence is still limited.
Alcohol interrupts sleep cycles, specifically REM, therefore the quality of sleep isn’t as efficient as that of a brain that hasn’t consumed alcohol.
Sleeping tablets generally don’t work so well in helping to improve sleep in the long term as they act similarly to alcohol. The disruption of REM has a negative effect on refreshing the mind. I would always recommend discussing taking sleeping tablets with your pharmacist, GP or sleep doctor.
Change the temperature of your room to be a few degrees cooler 15-19c. In evolutionary terms when humans slept outside in tribes the dip in temperature at night was a prompt for the brain as ‘time to sleep’.
A nice hot bath will reduce the bodies internal core temperature to reduce body temperature, which is another great prompt to sleep.
Get out in the day light. We have a gland in our brain called the pineal gland which reacts to daylight and can reset itself keeping our internal circadian rhythm (internal sleep clock) on track, so our brain is aware of when it is night and when it is day.
Artificial light / phones / TV / electronic devices etc can trick the brain into thinking its day light. Reducing screen time in the evening will keep your circadian rhythm on the right track.
What about napping? If you are struggling with your sleep, then try not to nap and save it up. Finding distractions and keeping moving such as going for a gentle walk or even a swim can really help with this.
Exercise is great for using up physical energy and increasing the melatonin the natural sleep hormone. Try to leave at least two to three hours before sleep to allow the lovely feel-good endorphins to settle.
Keep your bedroom for sleep and other sleep time activities. We might be tempted to lay in bed and watch a movie but try not to confuse the brain with associating your bedroom with sleep and awake activities.
If you are really struggling to get to sleep, then get up and out of bed and do something boring. You might choose to do some cleaning, get a hot drink, or read a very dull subject and go back to bed when you are feeling tired again.
When the brain receives too much information to process, by over thinking and worrying during the day, there is not enough time in our sleep cycles for physical and mental restoration. When this happens, we wake up suddenly during the night feeling mentally and physically exhausted. Managing your stress levels is extremely important for a good night’s sleep. Hypnotherapy is a great way to help improve sleep by managing stress and overwhelm.
Changing your mindset around sleep is a game changer. The brain is great at prediction and when we predict a poor night’s sleep our behaviours aid to that affect. Instead of telling yourself ‘I’m going to have another awful night’s sleep’ how about saying ‘I’m looking forward to having a really good replenishing night’s sleep tonight’. These positive intents reinforce the brain and reduce sleep anxiety.
Guided relaxations are a great way to calm and prepare the brain helping to improve sleep. In a full relaxed, daydream like state, the brain begins to process stress from the day mimicking REM. You can find my guided relation for a good night’s sleep here https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/download-guided-relaxation/
Make these top tips a habit! Repetition is key here, nothing often changes over night, but all tiny grains of success lead us to the top of the mountain achieving the goal of a good night’s sleep.
Contact Emma for help and support if you are struggling with poor sleep https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Watch me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA
Follow me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-rose-reset-hypnotherapy/ [...]
Do you need a social media detox? Social media is currently a hot topic because of its impact on mental health. While the negative effects that social media have on our thoughts and behaviours are real and true, so can be the positives. I believe that being aware of this paradox we can consciously take ownership of our social media usage and use it to our advantage. Therefore, social media can be your servant and not your master!
It’s very hard to ignore that as 21st century humans most of us own mobile phones and other
devices that can easily hold governing control over our thoughts and behaviours. From the moment we wake up until the moment we go to bed, applications like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snap Chat etc are funnelling information into our brains like rivers running into the sea, it never stops.
You might be in a waiting room, on the toilet (yes, the toilet), cooking dinner or shopping, and there it is. Its your plastic device with a shiny glass front, a suitably personalised case and blue light screen grabbing your attention while you intermittently discount the world around you. I for one cannot deny that I sit here writing this blog and I have my mobile phone at my side, which I have checked at least four times within the last ten minutes.
‘Nomophobia’ is the fear of not having your phone by your side. This is an actual thing!
With anything there can be positives and negatives depending on the way we look at it, and most of the time both perspectives can be absolutely right. However if you feel that social media is taking over your life you may consider a social media detox.
Social Notifications
Applications are designed to harness our physiology to keep us spending more time on a particular platform. A bit like the car salesman wants to keep you happy in the show room before your buy an expensive car that you probably don’t need anyway.
Our human chemical reward system, which is designed to motivate us to complete tasks and keep progressing forward, is arguably exploited by apps. Dopamine and Serotonin are created when we receive notifications and new pieces of information. This feels great when we get a message to say our parcel will be delivered soon or when we discover that our friend has liked our photo of last night’s dinner on Instagram. So much so that when new information is sparse, we create anxiety via the chemical cortisol which makes us feel on edge. Because of this we obsessively check for new information and keep searching for that next feel-good hit.
Even those wiggly dots that suggest that your recipient is replying to your message is keeping you hanging on.
If we are living in a cycle of behaviour that keeps us checking for new digital information, this sacrifices our attention to daily life affecting our focus on the task in hand. Have you ever used an app for a recipe and found you were distracted by a notification and then realised the pasta is boiling over? This is more commonly recognised as ‘the scroll hole’. As humans we can never consciously multitask so every time, we check our devices we lose focus and productivity as our brain energy is zapped due to neural pathways shutting down and firing up again.
Social Media Detox Top Tip – Turn off notifications and banners
Let’s start by removing the distractions, turning off the notifications and banners means that we are not immediately alerted to the update. It’s great to have a plan in place to ease any initial anxiety by deciding to check apps once or maybe three times a day depending on your personal preference. That way you are back in control, not the apps.
Love Heart emoji
Not only does social media affect our productivity but also our levels of intimacy and connection diminishes, affecting our relationships with the physical people around us. We are less likely to strike up new conversations in the wating room if our heads are bowed down into our phones and we are less likely to establish important trusting relationships with co-workers if we are spending our dinner hour lost in the scroll hole. Positive interaction with loved ones and even our pets is one of the most important positive parameters we need for mentally healthy behaviour and if this is negatively affected so is our overall mental wellbeing.
Social Media Dextox Top Tip – Add a screen time timer to apps
Instead of racking up hours of screen time whilst getting your daily social dose of Instagram reals or Facebook stories, there is a function on most modern phones to add a screen time reminder. This enables you to monitor if you are overspending you preferred daily allowance of digital socialising. The ability to control your time with the screen really benefits your immediate relationships by being more present and in the moment. Not to mention not having to clean up over spilled pasta.
‘You OK hun?’
Going deeper into the dark valleys of social media and virtual connection, passive aggressive cultures also create negative stress. Direct and indirect posts towards others are a form a bullying. Gone are the days where bullying took not just at place at school or in the workplace, but we can now be digitally attacked in our homes too.
Cancel culture on social media is another negative outlet for anger and stress, where opinions are turned into ‘you are wrong, and I am right, stut up’ rather than discourse and healthy debates. Personality and intention can be interpreted very differently through text rather than through face-to-face discussion, consequently warmth and respect can be easily lost in the digital world.
Social Media Detox Top Tip – Social cleanse
Having a social clear out can be cleansing for the mind and the pay back will have beneficial effects on your digital experience. Unfollow or unfriend the ‘Drama Lamas’ and stay as far away from negative site as possible. You will instinctively know the ones that create, anxiety or stress.
We are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with, according to American businessman and self-made millionaire Jim Rohn. Knowing this we can be consciously aware of the people we spend time with online and how that is affecting our thoughts and feelings.
Another way of combating the drama is to follow people or sites which create a warm and feel-good content. There are plenty of ‘Happy news’, positivity sites and creative humans out there to warm your cockles.
Online Loneliness
As well as being excluded from social groups or not being tagged in a GIF, we might come across vague posts of turmoil resulting in ‘you ok hun?….DM me’. This creates a subculture of exclusion as the follower is left wondering what has happened and a sense of being unworthy or further information.
We are a social species. Being left out of the tribe or in modern terms being left out of the ‘WhatsApp group’ for example, is a sure signal for stress especially in teenagers. The developmental agenda for teenagers is to find where we ‘belong’ not just with our caregivers but in our community too. Social love and belonging are required not only strengthen good mental wellbeing it’s a human necessity for survival.
Social Media Detox Top Tip – Connect face to face
Part of being a social species and having a true sense of belonging requires certain level of sensory input. Touch and even smell which are not available digitally, enhance our social experiences and help to create emotional bonds in the brain. Being around people as much as possible is a great way of increasing our sense of security, love and belonging.
The ‘#Insta’ life
Comparison is not an actual emotion but when we compare, we often feel emotions which detaches us from others, rather than connecting us. We feel emotions such as shame, schadenfreude – the happiness from others misfortune, disappointment, jealousy & envy, hubris – excessive pride wanting to dominate, disconnection, the list goes on. When we use comparison it doesn’t always make us feel bad, it can make us feel good too, but ultimately it disconnects us and in the long run this isn’t healthy for our overall wellbeing.
Comparison is the wanting to fit in but also to stand out too, ‘Be like everyone else, but better’.
As human beings are ware designed to live in a tribe of maximum 150 people but in the expansive world of social media, we have literally millions of people at our fingertips. We naturally and neurobiochemical default to find our position within the tribe. When it comes to our digital social tribe the social hierarchy can be overwhelming.
The great thing is that we can be more emotionally aware of this ability we have to rank ourselves against others, then we can take control of it and stay connected. By ‘staying in our own lane’ and making a conscious effort to recognise and change those thought patterns.
We get to choose if we want to stay focused on ourselves or not, it’s not always easy because that Darwinian theory suggests that our primitive brain is hard wired to survive and get ourselves to the top of the pack. But we now know have the intellectual new brain at the front that helps us to realise that positive physical and emotional connection with other human being is what we really need in the world we live in today.
Social Media Detox Top Tip – Be your own champion
Firstly start to think about or notice how you might be comparing yourself to others and how that might make you feel. Then it would be wise to think about how you could make changes to connect better with others. If someone is doing well, congratulate them and share their joy, use their excitement and achievements to inspire you. You may notice someone isn’t doing as well, how could you help & support them? Maybe you are not doing as well, how can you ask for help and support? Self-compassion is essential to override comparison. Writing down your achievements and skills is a great way to highlight how amazing you are!
Contact me for help and support if you are struggling with the impact of social media on your mental health https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Find me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA
Find me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-rose-reset-hypnotherapy/ [...]
Do you smell good? You might be thinking that this is a rather personal question and of course, you are absolutely right. But, I’m not talking about how your body smells, what I actually mean is do you smell aromas and scents that will benefit the way you think and feel.
I’m going to explain what effect smell has on memory, how it affects our nervous system and how we can utilise this wonderful and sometimes overlooked sense to advance our wellbeing.
Before I started my career as a hypnotherapist I struggled with OCD, anxiety and panic and I found resolution through hypnotherapy. I started to look for and take note of the good things in my life as my hypnotherapist explained this would increase my levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin in my brain and have a positive effect on my wellbeing. Little did I know that by doing this practice I was starting to use my senses in a very different way. I wasn’t just visually noticing, feelings or hearing good things I was smelling them too.
I can remember that I absolutely dreaded heading to work in the morning, however, as I started to look for ‘what’s been good?’ (a question I ask my clients in every session), I noticed something was very different between leaving the house and arriving at my car door. I would usually leave the house, jump into my car and solemnly head off to work and not one summer in the 5 years I live there did I notice my neighbours’ fragrant roses that literally brushed my shoulder every time I walked to my car. They were so fragrant and so vibrant, and I had never noticed, why could this be?
Let’s look into how we perceive smell and how it can affect our wellbeing.
During our time in the womb as a foetus, we are developing our sense of smell so that when we are born it is established. This is the only fully established sense we have as children until the age of 10 when the development of our sight takes over. During those early years, we are exploring and creating lots of memories with smell as our number one sense driver. These memories are banked in our brains and used for the rest of our lives.
So when we smell the fresh bread as we walk past a bakery there is a cavity at the back of our nose called the olfactory region which detects the wonderful smell and communicates with the Olfactory Bulb in the front of the brain. It’s the job of the Olfactory bulb to handle the information that the smell generates and send signals to other areas of the brain for further processing, one specific area is the limbic system also known as the primitive part of the brain. The central part of the limbic system is the amygdala, and this is often referred to as the flight/fight/depression area of the brain and is associated with the hippocampus which is related to memory and emotional behaviour patterns. When the primitive brain detects a delightful aroma signal from the Olfactory Bulb it can create feelings of wellbeing and/or pleasant emotions based on memories realising the feel-good neurotransmitter serotonin. Lots of us have experienced the ‘Proustian moment’, that moment when a flood of sensory delight triggers wonderful feelings inside us. It might be the smell that lingers in the air after rain on a summer’s day, or the intense smell of fresh coffee when you split the seal on a new jar or of course the wonderful smell of baby powder on a new-born.
However, one of the major objectives of the limbic system is to keep us safe so therefore if it detects an off odour that could potentially cause us harm, it responds accordingly. This is great news as our brains can quickly tell us that bleach in the kitchen cupboard is for cleaning and not for adding to our cup of tea. When we smell bad odours chemicals such as adrenaline and cortisol trigger our sympathetic nervous system to tell us something is wrong. It can even change our breathing pattern to become quicker and shallower as the brain prepares the body in primitive terms to fight or flee or in modern-day terms not to drink bleach!
We know our brains are super-efficient so if our sympathetic nervous system is on high alert the brain searches for bad odours in an attempt to keep us safe and ignores the lovely, pleasant aromas that might be right under our nose.
So, when my brain started to see and hear the good things it also started to smell the good things too and my neighbour’s roses made an appearance in my life, I could quite literally smell the roses (excuse the pun!).
Through the ages, we have been using scents such as lavender and jasmine as ways of calming down the brain enabling us to relax and unwind and we know how great we feel when we smell freshly cut grass. So how might you incorporate feel good smells into your daily routine?
The olfactory bulb is a part of the brain that we can train to smell well. Just by sniffing out the good things in the first instance, we can train the brain to look for them on a more regular basis.
It’s a great practice to take a mindful walk and really take notice of all our senses, this has proven to have a really positive effect on our well-being. Taking in the landscape around us in detail, feeling the gentle breeze on our skin or the sensations of our feet when we walk through rough terrane, noticing the rustling of the trees and hearing the birds sing. But don’t forget to ask yourself ‘do you smell good?’ and notice what you can smell and seek out the fragrant flowers or the coffee as you pass or decide to stop at the bistro.
Contact me if you are struggling to find the positives in life https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Find me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA
Fine me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-rose-reset-hypnotherapy/ [...]
It’s Mental Health Awareness week for 2022 and this years topic is loneliness. You don’t have to be physically alone to experience the heavy weight loneliness can create in the mind. You can be surrounded by many other people in a city train station or walking through a crowded town and still feel lonely.
I’m an introvert. I can easily spend hours or even days by myself but, at some point I need interaction with other human beings. Positive, fulfilled purpose and interaction within our tribe is a human given. We are better as a tribe rather than individually on our own and our inbuilt reward system (the release of feel-good hormones, specifically serotonin and oxytocin) is released when we interact positively with others. When we are lonely, we feel disconnected and we lack the social interactions we so desperately need to feel fulfilled as human beings.
The lack of quality connection within our day-to-day life, can create a sense of disconnect which creates an empty feeling of loneliness
Continue reading…
Many of us have experienced being pushed outside of a group that we value or miss a sense of true belonging within. This can happen in many settings such as school, the workplace and within the community too.
We may consider the elderly to be at the highest risk of loneliness however, many studies show that loneliness is experienced in all age groups.
New mothers can feel isolated in the home whilst navigating the arguably overwhelming world of parenthood. Greif, relationship breakups and job loss are also precursors to loneliness. Even the social high life and celebrity status does not exclude social disconnect.
I was absolutely shocked to discover the main points of the Office for National Statistic most recent survey (Community Life Survey 2019 to 2020) state: ‘younger adults aged 16 to 24 years reported feeling lonely more often than those in older ages groups’. These fresh-faced adults are the loneliest group in the UK. Although this information took me by surprise, after consideration with the rise of online services and social media platforms, I could only start to piece the dots together. A blog for another time perhaps?
Being Alone is something completely different to loneliness
Its ok to be alone and it is healthy for us to be alone when we need to be. Some people need to be alone more than others, mainly introverts like me, and some people need to be alone at certain times of their life more than at other times.
Being alone is OK! What isn’t ok is when we feel symptoms of loneliness:
Feeling lost and disconnected form the world
Felling like you have no one to turn to
Lack of self-worth
Low self esteem
Not feeling seen or heard
Exhaustion or burnout
Sleep problems
Depression & Anxiety
Loneliness is our survival signal
In the origins of human existence, if we didn’t stay close by to the tribe, we could have been eaten by wild animals or wild tribesmen.
Loneliness is a signal that tells us we need to do something differently and to seek that quality connection with others. When we are connected we are stronger. When we are connected we can collaborate and plan. When we are connected we can work together to create and build amazing things. As a social species we need purpose to survive!
The biological makeup of our brains has developed to enable us to support others as well as ourselves. It is literally in our DNA the need to feel purpose within our tribe.
Loneliness is an internal que to alert us that we need to connect. All emotions add value. They might not always feel comfortable but they are necessary, at least for survival if nothing else.
We feel hunger when we need food.
We feel thirsty when we need water.
We feel tired when we need sleep.
We feel lonely when we need connection.
Loneliness has a bit of a bad reputation for links to depression, shyness, being anti-social and other emotions that hold stigma for being perceived as ‘weak’, We often refer to the criminal or bad guy as being the ‘loner’.
Because of our current culture, when we feel loneliness, we can also feel guilt and shame and this is where the problems start. Guilt – Why do I feel lonely when I’m surrounded by friends? Shame – I don’t connect with people, maybe I’m not enough?
If we feel shame around feeling lonely (remember it is a valid emotion that signals the need for change), instead of creating change and doing things differently, we can easily move into protection mode and drop into the primitive part of our brain.
When we are here we are operating within the primitive parameters of depression, anxiety and anger or a combination of all three. We retreat even more and disconnect ourselves further for fear of rejection, more shame and guilt, and getting stuck in a vicious cycle.
How can we make those significant changes that our bodies and minds are asking us to make when we feel lonely?
We can offset loneliness with connection coupled with gratitude for a positively powerful mix
There are three principals of positivity that we need to undertake to feel whole. I explain the importance of these three principals with my clients within our sessions to enable them to understand what drives positive mental wellbeing:
Positive action
Positive thought
And positive interaction
By adopting these principals we can find a way to move towards connection, in our own way, at a pace that feels right for us. Here are a few helpful tips to think about to create purposeful positive mental wellbeing:
Helping people and volunteering is an amazing way of connecting and for filling your purpose within the community. Big or small, it is always very rewarding!
You don’t have to go out and join groups or make new friends. Just work on your current relationships. Talk to people you already know. Explain how you feel. If you want to, engage and ask questions to build confidence around social situations where you can.
Another way to open you up to the possibility of connection might be to find what or who you feel grateful for and focus in on why you feel grateful for them? You could write it down or even tell them!
Building positive relationships with people is great but if that feels like too much right now, pets are a wonderful way of helping us to feel more connected. Dogs and cats are a great place to start if you love animals, they are a great talking point too.
Take some time to connect with yourself. Talking therapies are very impactful but you might like to start by doing things you enjoy: Reading, creating art, walking etc. Self-compassion is key here.
Take it slowly. All too often we put pressure on ourselves to achieve and move forward. Finding small positives things we can do in our day can have a huge positive impact. Many small steps in the right direction can turn out to be the biggest step of your life!
Contact me for help and support if you are struggling with loneliness https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Find me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA [...]
In my last blog, I share my personal story of what living with OCD is like and how Solution Focused Hypnotherapy helped turn my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder into Optimistic, Courageous and Daring!
But just what is OCD?
OCD comes in 2 specific parts, obsessions that cause anxiety and compulsions which drive temporary relief. The obsessions will always precede the compulsions.
What are Obsessions?
I’m totally obsessed with David Beckham (he’s so pretty) but does that type of obsession mean I have OCD? The simple answer is, no, unfortunately, that is not the sort of obsession an OCD sufferer would experience. OCD obsessions manifest as intrusive negative thoughts, images or feelings which are vivid and feel very real.
What is interesting about thoughts is that the brain can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality. When we watch a scary movie such as Jaws the ‘der dum’, ‘der dum’ music creates a state of alertness or mild anxiety. Even though we consciously know we are probably miles away from any shark-infested seas there is a part of our brain which thinks we really are in that water, about the be eaten. Another example of our brain not knowing what is real or imagined is to create an image in your mind of a delicious glass of fresh, citrus sweet lemonade, ice-cold and sparking ready for you to drink on a hot summer’s day. Notice how your mouth starts to water just thinking about it. So, you can see that the subconscious brain thinks that your conscious thoughts are real. The brain of an OCD sufferer will feel like their intrusive obsessions are very real too.
A person experiencing an obsession is driven around the notion that harm or even death may come to themselves or others.
An obsession is often irrational or may not make any logical sense, nevertheless, it is always presented from the worst possible perspective. Sometimes the obsessions can be graphic and of a violent or of a sexual nature creating embarrassment and even shame leaving the person wondering why they are able to think such bad things.
During my time as a new Mum, I would experience intrusive thoughts of my new-born son and I free-falling down the stairs together and gaining severe injuries and I would worry that would actually happen and that I was a bad mother for even thinking it in the first place.
Obviously, this is not true and so it is important here to understand that the obsessional thoughts are fear-based only. In fact, an OCD sufferer will be in the mindset of prevention rather than intention and it is highly unlikely that they would proceed to carry out an act of danger or cause harm. People living with unwanted obsessions will quite often develop further anxiety issues and/or depression as part of their disorder.
Here is a list of the types of obsessions that can be experienced by someone suffering from OCD:
Health – Worrying about health and physical symptoms of themselves and others
Contamination – The contamination of chemicals, dirt, bodily fluids, viruses etc
Harm – Harm or death coming to others and/or self
Spiritual – This can include the sacrilegious concern over physical items or people
Sexual – Worrying that you are a paedophile or concerns over sexual orientation
Hoarding – Holding onto physical items and worrying about throwing things away. This includes not being able to sperate items
Violence or aggression – The worry of causing harm to others through a violent act
What are Compulsions?
An OCD sufferer will respond to an obsession and the anxiety it creates with a compulsive behavioural pattern which offers temporary relief from the anxiety.
These can manifest as physical behaviours, mental behaviours or even avoidance. The compulsions can be completely unrelated to the obsession and make no logical sense. A bit like me and the flight stairs at the shopping centre. By missing the steps (compulsion) to prevent a car accident (Obsession). This is not a rational based action however it created access to temporary relief from the obsessional anxiety.
Having OCD feels like carrying a huge responsibility to control and prevent bad things from happening. Quite often just one compulsive act is not enough to satisfy the anxiety relief so therefore the compulsive act is repeated until the anxiety is reduced, this can be very time-consuming. There can be incidences where the obsession is not as strong and at the forefront of the mind, but the unpleasant feeling remains to create a ritual that is difficult to be broken.
The need for control over the obsession can encourage complex rule-setting too (e.g. only missing specific steps on the way up the stairs and then different steps on the way down the stairs) which are tailor-made by the sufferer and can change and adapt throughout time.
Compulsions can be really obvious and visible to spot, but they can also be hidden, which makes covert cognitive compulsions very hard to recognise. One of the most common signs to notice is repetition in external behaviour.
Here is a list of the types of compulsive behaviours that can be experienced by someone suffering from OCD:
Constant checking – Checking that the door is locked, the light switch is turned off, taps are turned off
Repeating special words or numbers spoken out loud or via inner speech
Visual switching of eyes onto and away from objects
Hoarding collection of items
Excessive cleaning
Arrangement order and symmetry
Avoidance of places, people, and things
Needing reassurance from others did I lock the door, did I wash my hands, did I hurt her? Do you still love me? Never being satisfied with the answer and reinforces the issue
How to find out if you have OCD?
Anyone can experience unpleasant obsessions from time to time throughout their life depending on stress levels and their mental wellbeing. It is important to understand that although everyone can experience obsessions it is how we respond to them that determines OCD. We probably all know a friend who always wears their lucky pants when they play a football match or someone who is highly cautious about contamination and washes their hand religiously. However, without the obsession, these are termed as traits of the disorder. Obsessions or compulsions on their own are not determined as OCD it is how they work together that ascertains the disorder. Diagnosis of OCD is a complex process and should only be diagnosed by a health professional.
Contact me for help and support if you are struggling with loneliness https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Find me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA
Find me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-rose-reset-hypnotherapy/ [...]
I have OCD …. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder…. there I said it.
It’s taken me a good 30 years to realise, come to terms with and accept that OCD is an integral part of me and probably always will be.
In April 2019 I made a bold decision that my OCD was something I needed to strategically work on and change. I realised that OCD was the prison wall I had built around me that stopped me from living my life, I mean, really living my life.
It’s taken a further 2 years to write this blog and share my story. Why?
Well, part of my compulsion was to never share that I had this disorder because if I did, myself or someone close to me might get very ill or even die!!! Add to this the social stigma of ‘being a bit nuts’ and we have a perfect OCD trap.
If I wasn’t able to admit I have OCD to myself or anyone else, how could I get better?
Having hypnotherapy and training as a solution-focused hypnotherapist gave me the confidence and clarity, I needed to really understand how my brain was working and how I could get it working better for me.
Our brains are amazing things and what I didn’t realise is that I can train my brain how to work to my advantage. Imagine having a brand-new luxurious sports car, that can drive you through life comfortably, easily having lots of fun. Now imagine you’re terrible at driving it, you’re stalling and bunny jumping at every junction. This is how I was using my amazing brain, I just needed to learn the techniques to ‘drive’ it and use it to its highest potential.
Sharing my story of how I suffered from an internal battle with OCD is really important to me as I know others can transform their minds just like I did.
So, what actually is OCD really like?
Suffering from OCD can range from mild to very severe, but the common theme is that it disturbs people’s lives by taking up time and mental effort. It can affect your education & career development, building relationships, overall quality of life and can greatly impact those who support you too.
OCD is something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. In my younger years, I assumed that my thoughts and feelings were the same as everyone else’s and that everyone felt like I did inside. I didn’t realise I was different. Because of this, I struggled to understand why other people appeared to find a day-to-day life so simple especially when we have all these thoughts to battle with. I felt trapped in my own head of overwhelming frequent scary thoughts every single day, and this was a massive strain on my overall happiness and wellbeing.
Daily everyday tasks were more than a chore, simple activities like leaving a room! You would have thought leaving a room would be nice and simple right? Not for me. I remember as a teenager I couldn’t leave my living room without scanning my eyes over my Mums favourite ornament six times whilst repeating a safe word over and over inside my head and then repeating that sequence until it felt OK to leave.
Another obstacle in my day would be using the stairs. Depending on how many steps there were from top to bottom would depend on which specific steps I needed to completely skip over. Because if I stood on that particular step something bad would happen. This was easy at home as I had mapped out which steps, I could safely land on and the ones which I needed to jump past and avoid like the plague. Imagine how my stress levels would rise when I was faced with a new flight of stairs in a shopping centre, and I had just a few seconds (to avoid social embarrassment) to figure out which steps were safe to use, and which would (in my mind) cause a car accident on the way home.
All these behaviours that I had, and there were hundreds, whether it be physically missing out steps on the stairs or mentally repeating dialogue over and over in my head was an overwhelming necessity to cancel out and neutralise the anxiety caused by the disturbing thoughts in my mind. I became increasingly aware as I got older that these behaviours might be silly or strange or even crazy and because of this, I was ashamed to share how I was feeling for fear of being judged and rejected.
My mind was full of observing and scrutinising my every thought, my every move, all the things I was doing, all the things I wasn’t doing, I was in a state of flux searching for control of just about everything, from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep. The irony was I was completely out of control.
All this might sound completely bonkers to you. I thought exactly the same thing ‘I’m crazy!’. I couldn’t let anybody can ever find out hence my covert rituals of counting inside my head and daily mantras of words and sentences. Surely, they would throw me into an asylum or call me a modern-day witch? (Yes, that’s how negatively I was thinking).
This is exactly why I’m writing this blog. I am passionate about educating people to understand what OCD is and what it isn’t. I want others to know that if you suffer from OCD, you’re not crazy and you’re not alone. OCD affects 1.2% of the population which is three-quarters of a million people in the UK. Having a better awareness of OCD to educate and remove the stigma enables us to spot the signs in ourselves or others and get the help we need.
Where am I now?
Well, I can honestly say that I am no longer the woman who must put her deodorant on three times in the morning or the woman who can never drink coffee ever again in fear that someone close to me might die. In fact, on Thursday 2nd April 2019 I drank my first cup of coffee in over 19 years!!! Back then the obsessional responsibility I felt to keep my loved ones safe led to compulsive avoidance for my love of a nice cup of hot sweet coffee. Now my coffee machine is in full swing, and I enjoy every moment of each cup.
I also walk up and down every step on the stairs, not that anyone ever noticed when I didn’t, I hid it well.
This ability to break rituals and to cease the development of new ones is because of the learnings I have taken from solution-focused hypnotherapy. Understanding that my brain cannot tell the difference between real and imagined has enabled me to have autonomy and empowerment over my thoughts and how I react to them. Because of my solution-focused journey, I was motivated to train to enable others to reap the same benefits as I have. As a therapist myself I use comfortable and relaxed techniques to enable others to gain confidence to make many small, simple but significant steps forward.
My OCD brain is now Optimistic, Courageous and Daring and it’s my job now to guide others to achieve the same.
Look out for my next blog where I explain more about what OCD is and why our brain responds in this way…
Contact me for help and support if you are struggling with OCD https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Find me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA
Find me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-rose-reset-hypnotherapy/ [...]
This blog will help you to understand how to support someone with anxiety or depression, and to help you feel useful. 1 in 4 of us will suffer with stress and anxiety in any given year, a scary fact when you look around your friends and family and wonder which one of them is the 1 in 4 if it’s not you!
Here at Inspired to Change we often get asked by people how they can best support their partners, children, family, or friends.
Depression and anxiety can be exhausting, confusing and a scary place to be, but watching someone else go through that can often leave us feeling helpless, especially if you’ve never experienced a mental illness yourself.
We all went on that first aid course that showed us what to do if someone broke a leg, or had a heart attack, but no one has showed us how best to help someone when their pain is on the inside.
Just like that first aid course, most of us aren’t trained paramedics – there is only so much we can do to help and support someone who is suffering, but what we can do often makes all the difference to the long-term health of the person we’re helping.
The key is in knowing what is helpful rather than harmful and when to call in the experts.
So first off, let’s do our equivalent of our mental health ABC – let’s check the signs and signals and make sure help is needed. A large majority of those 1 in 4 will be trying hard to cope and not let others see they are struggling (most of us wait up to 10 years to seek the help we need with our mental health!). So here are the little signs to look out for:
Loss of interestin doing things they normally enjoy – this could be anything from not turning up for their sports club, not taking part in their usual hobbies, maybe they’ve stopped being creative or going for walks.
They stop going out– Becoming socially isolated is one of the first signs we see – people stop seeing friends and family and they cancel social events and plans
Being “Down in the Dumps’– people often talk about feeling stuck, lost or hopeless rather than saying “I think I’ve got Depression/Anxiety/Mental Illness”
Over working– High performing or not take time out to rest can often be a missed sign. Watch out for people working longer or unsociable hours, always ‘on the go’ in a hurry or always “too busy”. Just because they are “high functioning” doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling
Changes in behaviour– Slower speech and movements or becoming more fidgety and restless are classic signs someone might be struggling
Low energy– depression and anxiety are exhausting both mentally and physically so watch out for complaining of feeling tired or lacking energy
Changes in eating habits– overeating or loss of appetite and the dramatic weight changes that can go with that are often early signs of problems.
Changes in sleeping habits– Sleeping a lot more than usual or struggling to sleep at all can both be indicators of mental health issues.
Lack of focus– Unable to concentrate on everyday things, such as reading, watching tv or taking part in conversations.
Becoming forgetful– missing appointments, loosing things, or can’t remember recent conversations or events
Being snappy and short tempered– using negative language and being unable to see the positive in situations
Coping with and trying to support someone enduring this type of illness can be difficult at times leaving us feeling a raft of emotions such as frustration, fear, worry, guilt and even anger.
Having the feeling of being unable to help can become complex and challenging especially when our attempts to nurture are often rejected.
It’s in our nature to try and fix things and make people feel better. Humans have strived and thrived because of the ability we must plan and improve. We have invented the car to get us there quicker, the phone to communicate better and of course the amazing development of medicinal science has helped so many people to become well again. So, when our loved one is suffering, we automatically want to understand what they are going through and have all the answers and tools to make them feel better.
So how can we effectively help someone who is suffering and struggling through a mental illness?
Poor mental health isn’t an option where someone chooses to become anxious or depressed, it’s a real and serious illness that requires attention just like breaking an arm or having the flu. It’s easy to understand and help symptoms such as these, you can apply a plaster cast to a broken arm and wait for it to heal and the flu usually passes within a few days after some rest and over the counter medicines. Mental illness however is usually harder to recognise, often referred to as an invisible illness, its duration is usually longer and the only person who can directly fix the problem is the person themselves (although often help is required). It is important to appreciate why the healing needs to come from within to understand how we can help.
Here at Inspired to Change we could talk about the brain all day because our brains are amazing organs which can do some incredible things. The evolution of the brain has enabled us to thrive as humans, however when someone is suffering from depression or anxiety their brain feels dull, foggy and all out of sync. This leaves them with the feeling of being unable to change, of feeling stuck and hopeless. As by-standers to suffering loved ones we may feel like we already have all the answers to help them, maybe they just need to ‘cheer up’, go for a walk, see a friend, or even get a new job but whatever we advise they often, annoyingly, just can’t seem to put our ideas into action. Why won’t they just do the things that we can see would so easily help them feel better?
Often our advice will go straight in in one ear and out of the other and that is frustrating, especially when we’re trying to help. But our brain needs time and space to organise thoughts, feelings, and emotions so that it can come up with the solutions in an individual, personal way enabling us to feel in control and have clarity in any situation – it just takes more time to do it.
It’s a bit like planning a rebuild of a house (Metaphor alert No 1). First creative ideas are needed for the feel of the new home so that we can visualise what the house will be like on the inside and outside. Only then can we start making plans and eventually approve the blueprint; source the labour and materials needed to lay the foundations and commit to start the build. Eventually the renovation can start brick by brick climbing higher and higher. You can’t start piecing the bricks together without the foundation being set and you need the blueprint and the ideas before that. And our ideas need to be our own, creating our own house the way we want it designed. And it’s just the same when we want to build a “happy new mind” – our brains work in the same way. The rebuild of our mind needs to happen in a certain order, in our own creative way and at a pace that works in harmony with the change.
So, what can we do to help that will be beneficial and productive? From understanding this concept, we can do quite a lot.
Metaphor alert – No. 2! (We love metaphors at Inspired to Change because our brain loves to work with them!). When any rebuild takes place there is a requirement for scaffolding around the structure. This acts as a solid, sturdy framework ensuring a safe environment for the bricks to be assembled, essentially allowing the work to happen without directly helping but by providing dependable support. As a result, once the amazing new house (or “happy new mind”!) is complete the framework around it can slowly be removed piece by piece and the house will be standing strong again. Now I’m not suggesting you start wearing all grey and die your hair silver to look like a steel pole but being the scaffolding around the ‘new home’ is a fantastic way of supporting those we are concerned about as this opens so much opportunity to constructively help!
We’ve pulled together some of our favourite tips to help you find constructive ways to support those you love:
Tip 1: – Don’t try to “fix” the problem!
Your role as a friend or family member is about providing dependable support, the “scaffolding” which enables the other person to find their own solution (which might involve them seeking out professional help but, unless they are a risk to themselves or others that’s for them to choose)
Tip 2: – Be Patient
Mental illness does not change overnight. We need to give people time to heal and change at their own pace, and in their own way.
Tip 3: Stay in Touch
Your friend may turn down your offer to meet for a coffee but don’t give up on them, your offer will mean more to them then you might realise and one day they will say yes! Having a supportive network of people around you is one of the most important things in helping someone overcome any form of mental illness, so stay connected even if it’s difficult.
Tip 4: Encourage and Inspire
Sometimes a little inspiration can go a long way! Simple daily tasks can seem totally out of reach for someone who’s struggling. Try and find small tasks or activities, or easier options that brings things back into reach (“I’ll bring coffee and cake to you if you don’t feel like leaving the house”)
Tip 5: Educate Yourself
If you’ve never suffered with mental health issues yourself, it’s hard to understand what the other person might be going through. Read some books (one of our favourites is The Chimp Paradox) or blogs (there are plenty more on our website here covering specific issues) to help you understand.
Tip 6: Seek Advice*
If you are not an expert, it’s a good idea to find one. Check out any local services and support groups. Your loved one might not be ready to access them, but they can be just as supportive to you.
Tip 7: Just be There
When you’re feeling down, or anxious just knowing that someone loves you and cares for you is enough. Just knowing you are there to support them can make a huge difference. Don’t try and be any different – just be your usual normal self around them.
Tip 8: Look After Yourself
It is important to look after yourself first, you can’t fill other cups if yours is empty!
Tip 9: Encourage Conversation
Even if it’s not to you, encourage them to find someone to talk to about how they are feeling. If they want to speak to someone anonymously we would recommend the Samaritans or CALM (Click for links)
Tip 10: Look for Solutions
But don’t force them on your friend! We need to allow the brain to find its own solutions and go at its own pace but often it’s so fogged it can’t see what’s right in front of it. Listen out for ideas and solutions that might be helpful and find the right time to tell them what you’ve discovered. Your local Inspired to Change Solution Focused Hypnotherapist might be a good starting point but there are lots of different solutions out there.
Contact me for help and support if you are struggling with anxiety or depression https://reset-hypnotherapy.co.uk/contact/
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/resethypnotherapyspalding
Find me on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKNNHqDayEPF6ELcPwI2YA
Find me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-rose-reset-hypnotherapy/ [...]